Golden balls
I'd be amazed if they won it from here. England will go slower, the Aussies will chip away.
We will get down to about 80 with 3 or 4 wickets left and the new ball looming.

Daft twat....80, way too optimistic 😁
Will be all out for less that 200

You can't underestimate how gutless this lot are.
I think even the Aussies must be puzzled by the depths of ineptness that these players achieve.


Ball Boy
10 wickets lost for 56 runs in a single session. Pathetic.
I remember you thinking that we might win this test and I thought we wouldn’t get 20 wickets
We were both wrong
Our bowling in the second innings was very good
If I was Mark Woods after the performance he put in today I’d go in the changing room and kick every one of them up the rissole
Absolute disgrace


Golden balls
No proper warm up games to get used to the conditions. And a squad of players that completely lack the basic techniques required for test match cricket. The fact they can't tough it out exposes their lack of mental strength as well.
Maybe it's needed this abysmal showing to finally shake this rotten regime up.
Root should be stripped of the captaincy. Great player, but a weak captain. It's alright the players sticking up for him, but they are looking after their own interests. Nearly all of them in the batting department have failed, it's time for drastic changes


Blue Roofer
So who to leave in and who needs kicking out?

Firstly Root needs to be stripped of the captaincy, or resign. He is arguably the best batsman we have so he does deserve his place in the side. Who to give it to? I don’t really know. Broad has bags of experience and would do a good job. Or I’ve said before if you give Buttler a stint with the gloves he might relish the role and step up to the plate, however he’s not the best gloveman we have. I think it needs to be a bowler or a wicket keeper as the batsmen need to just concentrate on batting and have no distractions.

Bowling wise Anderson will retire this summer but will play in probably the New Zealand series then quit. It won’t all be for sentimental reasons though as I do feel he still has something to offer with the ball.

Wood is great and arguably deserved more this series and abroad still has a couple of years left in him. I guess if he’s fit you need to keep Archer in mind too. I’m not so sure about Woakes but I do like Robinson he offers something a bit different to the rest of our bowlers, he’s a bit more fearless and raw. Leach or another spinner is enough, Leach is decent enough in my opinion.

So onto our batsmen, Root and Stokes definitely need to stay in the side. I’d persevere with Crawley he’s done enough to me to warrant a place on the plane to Antigua. Burns did alright today too so maybe we have found an opening pair. As for the rest, well. I think you need to be looking for a bit better than Bairstow really although he can do a job if we have a load of injuries. I don’t think Malan is up to it. Hameed is crap. Pope really isn’t good enough either but who do you bring in?


Member of the lark around club.
Excellent post Chris.
Based on the above you would have :-
Crawley, Root, Stokes, Wood, Archer, Robinson, Leach
Off the field huge changes are required to the structure and the schedule.


Golden balls
I would try anyone new that's not got battle scars. It would be difficult to do any worse than some of those that have had more than a decent chance to establish themselves.
Personally think Butler should be dropped for a long period. He can't seem to get out of one day mode, and plays like it in test matches. Butler's record over a lengthy period is not good. Time to give someone else a chance. I don't think Burns, Hameed and Malan can have any. complaints if they are dropped.
Then of course you can look at the management and coaching set up. I think us lot on here couldn't do any worse than the current regime. For a Premier cricketing nation they have been appalling.


Season Ticket Holder
That was abysmal today. The whole thing's been a car crash from the very first ball when Burns got bowled by Starc.
Afraid Silverwood has to go, I'd see if Jacques Kallis fancies it, tbf he could don his whites again and still do better than
that shower of shite.


Season Ticket Holder
Might as well send a team from Bentleys Roof, we’d lose all the games so no change but there’d be a monumental piss up every day

No anti vaxers though


Season Ticket Holder
Might as well send a team from Bentleys Roof, we’d lose all the games so no change but there’d be a monumental piss up every day

No anti vaxers though
Excellent idea, feeling well enough to turn my arm over. I can probably still bowl a decent 'leggy'.

If I can bowl 'the ball of the century' do I get to go out with Liz Hurley?


Season Ticket Holder
Well - once again the cricket was a predictable tissue-paper like collapse.

The ONLY positive I am taking out of this entire Ashes series is the relentless optimism of Roofer Dags. Top work Sir in keeping us vaguely enthused when deep down we knew we were hopelessly out of our depth.

I hear there are moves behind the scenes at ECB headquarters - in need of a morale-raising series win - to make the next group of tests at home again Iceland.

(that is - the supermarket, not the country, who are probably too strong for us at the moment)

George Ferris

Season Ticket Holder
Agnews report won't work on several fronts. The 100 is here to stay like it or not. The County system works but we need to play the 4 day game at the right time of year, they have fucked about with it so much nobody knows how many games they play or 3 divisions or 2. Having been out in oz for a couple of the games I thought the following.
Burns and Crawley have serious technical problems in that quite often the bat is coming from the gully area so any movement catches them out(sir Geoffrey will have been apoplectic) Butter is not in the top 10 glove men in the country ,Foakes will get a run when fit.
Hammed looked frit, and Malan is not the future, I would give livingstone a go on the basis he can't do any worse.
The bowling cupboard is bare when in overseas conditions, Woakes is innocuous and the end is nigh for Jimmy and Broad. Archer will probably not be the same bowler he was and hasn't bowled really quickly since that first series against the aussies, I think the elbow injury might scupper him.


Season Ticket Holder
I‘d have a lot of them chuck it in for the Windies tour.

I‘d retain Burns due to lack of options but drop Hameed and bring in Bell-Drummond or someone else as a stop gap and ask for them just to see off the new ball.

Id have Crawley at 3, Root at 4 and drop Malian down to 5.

Bairstow at 6 (and promised a run there) Foakes at 7.

Stokes comes in where he should at 8. Robinson 9 if he gets himself fit and then Broad and Anderson but with the option of Matt Parkinson if there’s a Turner.

But first i‘d tell anyone who wants to prioritise the IPl over Test cricket to get out and never come back.